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A couple’s advice on how to avoid divorce

A couple’s advice on how to avoid divorce

Some individuals speak of marriages made in heaven, however the reality stays that there isn’t a good marriage anyplace. There isn’t a marriage with out its challenges, its ups and downs. However true and honest love covers multitude of sins for the couple concerned. What a pair who dearly loves one another does is to work by means of their variations and study to reside with a number of the partner’s eccentricities. On this interview with ROSE EJEMBI, the Asens reminisced on how they met and fell in love and how the connection which culminated into marriage after a number of years has continued to blossom for nearly three many years after, regardless of private variations. The 2 love birds even have some phrases of advice for youthful couples on how to steer their marriage from divorce.

Diamond Couple: Pastor & Pastor (Mrs) Patrick Udoh

Excerpts:

Might we meet you?

Spouse: I’m Dr. Rosemary Asen. I’m initially from Akwa-Ibom State. We have been three from my mom, all feminine. I’m a twin. Later on, my father remarried as a result of he was in search of a male youngster. From that aspect of the household, all collectively we’re eight. So, I’ve three step brothers and two step-sisters. I attended Federal Authorities Women School after which, College of Jos the place I received my first diploma. I then proceeded to the Benue State College for my Masters diploma and PhD. I’m a lecturer within the Theatre Arts Division of Benue State College.

Husband: My identify is Kwagh-Har Asen. I’m from a household of seven. I’m a professional Chartered Accountant. I labored with the Benue State authorities and retired because the Accountant Common of Benue State. God has blessed us with three youngsters and our final baby is presently in her third yr within the college.

How did you meet your husband?

Spouse: We met round 1988 or thereabout by means of his cousin who was my mate on the College of Jos. We lived close to one another across the similar road. His cousin and I used to go to one another once we come again to Makurdi throughout holidays as a result of our homes have been close to one another and we had recognized one another in class. So, on a type of days, he got here with my husband to go to my twin and I. That was once we met for the primary time. I observed that from that first time that my husband noticed me he was simply steering at me. Then in my thoughts, I stated who is that this individual and why is he starring at me like that? From then, he began coming recurrently to the home together with his cousin. Later, we began noticing that we have been attending some fellowships collectively together with that of the Scripture Union, CAPRO and the remainder of them. That was how we began relating as brother and sister in the identical fellowship. Then, later, it turned a private relationship.

At what level did your relationship graduate from a platonic one to a conjugal relationship?

Spouse: By then, I used to be lecturing at Faculty of Primary Research, Akampa, Cross River State. He began writing letters to me and we started corresponding till he later proposed to me.

What was the attraction?

Husband: I noticed her as a fantastic woman. Like she stated, we have been assembly at Christian fellowships and I might see sincerity and dedication in her. She was additionally decided when it comes to what she was pursuing and I knew that she was the sort of individual I want as a spouse. So, when the time got here, I proposed to her and she or he took me by means of a drilling time to discover out what my life had been, my Christian conviction and what precisely God needed me to do. It was in any case these that she was in a position to give me a “yes”. I waited for someday earlier than she gave her consent. Though, she took a few month to reply to my proposal, to me it was like a yr.

How did you plan to her? Was it on a bended knee?

Husband: It wasn’t on a bended knee however on a bended coronary heart within the sense that I had prayed in regards to the matter and I used to be satisfied that God was main me to go forward and speak to her about this difficulty of marriage. And I went with the simplicity of coronary heart and genuineness of intention and advised her that I needed to marry her. It wasn’t as a result of I had seen a imaginative and prescient or something however I used to be positive of the conviction that I obtained from God regarding marriage. I additionally noticed her as a lovely and wonderful individual. I knew that she’s the sort that I can reside with.

When he proposed, what went on in your thoughts? Did you discover he was going to suggest earlier than he ultimately did?

Spouse: Sure, I observed that he was going to suggest. I even advised my twin sister that, that brother needs to suggest to me. In the future, he requested me to come to his home that there was one thing he needed to inform me. I knew what it was all about and so, I informed him that he ought to somewhat come to my home. So, it was in my very own mother and father’ home that he proposed to me.

What made you to go for her out of many girls round at the moment and contemplating the truth that she’s not from similar tribe with you?

Husband: Aside from my main and secondary faculties which I did in Tiv land, I studied in Ugbokolo the place I combined with many individuals from many different tribes. From there, I proceeded to the College of Lagos the place I met with individuals from many different tribes. My coronary heart turned enlarged in issues of who to marry however I had one nagging difficulty. I misplaced my father once I was in Type One which is the current day JJS One. And so, I used to be left with my uneducated mom. So, my want was to marry anyone that my remaining mum or dad would find a way to talk with. However I additionally knew that my thoughts had already been enlarged about this matter. So, wherever I get someone that I feel is match and good for me that may be an overriding affect.

Was he the one person who got here on your hand in marriage at the moment?

Spouse: In fact, many others got here however I had one cause or the opposite to say no to them.

What have been the qualities that made you select him above different eligible bachelors?

Spouse: I noticed that he was a dedicated Christian and was very accountable. I additionally observed that he was mature not simply within the Christian Religion however in different features too. He was additionally very caring.

What did you inform him when he proposed to you?

Spouse: When he proposed, I advised him I used to be going to pray about it and I actually meant it. I actually needed to be certain I used to be doing the desire of God. So, I had determined that I used to be going to quick as soon as every week for a interval of 1 month. The second week of prayer, I used to be satisfied however I continued that I might make it up to a month. I used to be actually satisfied that God was in it in the middle of my fasting and prayer.

Are you able to recall what was your first misunderstanding in marriage and how you have been in a position to resolve it?

Husband: I can’t keep in mind.

Spouse: I feel our first misunderstanding had to do with the best way of praying. I used to be from a Pentecostal background and he’s from evangelical background. So, once we have been doing our morning devotion, he would simply give out prayer factors and say: “you, pray for this and me, I will pray for that”, and I used to be not glad. I felt we should always take every level and pray in particulars. So, due to that, I stated, ‘okay, let us resolve it this way; in the morning, you do your morning devotion personally and in the evening we would all come together and pray.’ That was how we have been in a position to resolve that problem.

What’s your partner’s favorite meals?

Spouse: He loves vegetable, recent fish, dry fish and he takes plenty of fruits.

Husband: She enjoys rice with recent fish and plantain. She will take that as many occasions as potential in a day.

What do you want most about your partner?

Spouse: What I like most about him is that reality that he’s very selfless. He locations his spouse and his youngsters above his personal private curiosity.

Husband: She has given me a variety of confidence in her since 1990 within the sense that when she does some issues I’m in a position to say whether or not she did a real mistake or a wilful type of motion. And she or he tells me the reality in all points. As an example, within the space of finance, when she handles it and she or he has some points, she would inform me. If she’s going to do one thing for me from my cash and by any purpose, she will get it at lower than the cash I gave her, she would inform me that that is how a lot you gave me however I received it at a lesser worth. She will determine that she’s not going to give the change anyway however I do know that she has advised me the reality concerning the matter. So, when she tells me something, I consider that she’s telling me the reality and that provides me confidence in her that I’m not dwelling with anyone who shouldn’t be honest. And that has given me a type of peace as a result of dwelling with any person who you can’t actually say which course she or he goes could make you to be uptight.

What don’t you want about him?

Spouse: He doesn’t take motion on time. If he decides on one thing, it takes time earlier than he would make up his thoughts. If I would like to take permission from him for one thing, it takes time earlier than he would reply me. He takes his time and I’m the other. As soon as an concept happens to me, I would like to do it instantly however he would need to take his time to give it some thought earlier than taking his choice.

So, what areas will you want to see him enhance?

Spouse: I’ll like him to be quicker in taking selections.

What advice do you’ve gotten for younger spinsters who’re intending to go into marriage

Spouse: Crucial factor to look out for is a God-fearing individual. They need to additionally look out for someone who genuinely love them. I feel it’s higher for the person to love the lady greater than the lady loves the person as a result of as ladies, we will simply adapt. Allow them to look out for real love fairly than materials issues. Allow them to even be prepared to be affected person and endure any sort of temptation that they may meet.

Within the mild of rampant divorce instances today, what piece of advice would you’ve gotten for youthful couples?

Husband: When you’re coming from a Christian background, you realize that God hates divorce. It’s not a matter of leaping in and leaping out. In the event you begin doing that, you’re going to do it many extra occasions within the days forward as a result of you’ll by no means meet that man or that lady that’s precisely the precise psychological image of the person who you’ve got in your thoughts. There’s no graph of life that could be very clean. Life goes up, life comes down after which it begins going up once more. Identical to within the enterprise cycle, there are occasions that enterprise will growth and there are occasions that you simply expertise slowness in enterprise. In marriage the thought is that you simply drive it out of the dangerous climate into the great climate and extra so, if you find yourself trusting God to aid you and maintain your marriage, you’ll actually need to make it to succeed. The reality is that regardless of how a lot you need to cowl it up, by the point you’ve linked up with the person or the lady, then someday you get up and separate, the pains are there they usually may even have an effect on you for all times. So, I might advise younger people who marriage is what you’re employed on. You get in, you’re employed on it you succeed. It’s your mattress and how you make it’s how you’ll lie on it.

Diamond Couple: Dr and Mrs Osim